Is it Perfectionism? Fear? Or both?

“Start a blog,” they said. “It would be fun,” they said. “It’s easy!” they said. Although I will definitely admit blogging has been fun, easy wouldn’t be the best adjective to describe it. And the more and more I got into this “whole blogging thing”, the harder and harder it became. Was it my perfectionism, fear or a little bit of both that kept me from pushing the publish button until now?

Have you ever heard the saying, You are your worst critic? This saying was made for me. Seriously! Since as young as I can remember, I have always put a ton of pressure on myself to be “perfect”. My mom will tell you that she never had to remind me to do my homework or reprimand me for a bad grade because I ALWAYS did what I was supposed to do. If I got a “B” on a report card I was devastated. It was literally the end of the world. I was an overachiever with a perfectionistic personality straight out of the womb.

I thought as I got older I might grow out of it. You know, calm down a bit? Break a few rules. Or do a few CRAZY things. Nope, not me. I won’t have any awesome stories to tell my grandkids one day about the time Grandma did…

Being a perfectionist and an overachiever has been one of my best character traits. Striving for perfection gives me drive! It helps me stay focused and not want to settle for anything but the best. It’s helped me stand out in the workplace and earn opportunities I wouldn’t have received had I not been trying to overachieve and WOW my boss. It helps me be a Super Mom (sometimes) and a Super Wife (at times!) depending on the day 🙂

However, with the good comes the bad and being a perfectionist isn’t always the best thing. Personally, being a perfectionist has held me back at times for fear that someone won’t like me. I worry that maybe they won’t agree with what I have to say so I just don’t say anything. I go with the flow and try not to rustle any feathers. I find myself even putting my own feelings aside to please others.

Then blogging came along. Blogging gives me the opportunity to do my own thing and create something from the ground up, all on my own. It’s exciting! It exhilarating! But wait, I have to share this with the world…

And then the fear sets in. What if it isn’t perfect? What if people don’t like my jokes? What if they criticize my decision to leave teaching to pursue something new? I started becoming obsessed with making my blog “perfect”.

“When are you going to launch your blog, Babe?” my husband, Patrick would ask. The answer always stayed the same, “It’s not ready yet”.

But what was I waiting for? I know what I was waiting for. I was waiting for my blog to be absolutely perfect because that’s the overachiever in me. When days turned into weeks, and weeks started turning into months, I knew I would never really be “ready” to launch my blog. I just had to do.

Which brings me to today. I still have so much to learn. I have so much to improve on. Am I happy with everything on my site? No, but I am proud of what I have accomplished and all I have learned in these past few months. See for yourself. Here’s my very first post, “It’s official! I am now a mom of a high schooler and a full-time blogger”. Plus, there’s only one way to go when you’re starting from the bottom and that’s up!

So with a little bit of fear and my perfectionism screaming at me in the back of my head, I hit the publish button today. I’m going to make mistakes and I’m not going to please everyone but I’m doing my best and that’s all I can ask for.